Yeah, I have a friend who's into fashion (like, went to school for it) and my girlfriend likes to talk about historical sewing, and between the two of them... I'm just over here like "bleep bloop I'll be here next time either of you have a question about Mega Man I guess"
I know this might mean less from a trans guy than a cis girl but not all AFAB kids get taught this stuff! Even up until I questioned my gender I couldnât tell you the difference between a skater skirt and an A-line skirt, hell I canât even picture either of them. Theyâre both just a skirt in my head. I was a bridesmaid in my early teens (still in the closet, no one knowingly misgendered me) and the bride described the dresses she wanted us to wear, I understood absolutely nothing except âred,â âsleeveless,â and âfloor-length.â Youâll get it eventually, if I can figure out sportsâŠ
I know the feeling, I didn't get taught neither of the "classes". Was just left out in the dirt to learn everything on my own and even till this day I'm not sure how to do a lot of human things. Being an autistic Trans person who's parents aren't supportive in any way, makes life pretty difficult.
OP, youâre 15. Youâre WAY ahead of the curve compared to most of us. Donât waste time beating yourself up for not knowing things, because I promise youâre gonna spend the next 15 years not knowing a lot more things. And the next 15, and the next. Itâs all opportunities to learn and grow, nothing to be ashamed of.
as a transmasc who's watched my parents style my older sisters, hair up can also mean the hair is being styled into something like, mohawk (hair is up), french updo (hair is kept up by pins and other accesories), the Y/N hair bun thingy.
hair down is anything that's like, let the hair do it's own, braids(hair is not up), slickback(hair is down), anything that's not fighting gravity is basically hair down
Giiiiiirl, youâre a kid! Other girls your age donât know these things either. I was raised a woman for 20 years and I was still learning new things about âwomanhoodâ every day, I had no idea what was going on. Maybe thatâs because I wasnât a woman, but whatever. Just give it time, pay attention, watch YouTube videos lol youâll be fiiine
wait, uhhh, was I *not* supposed to know all this stuff about hair and clothing and measurements and stuff long, long before I cracked?
because i know im older but *damn* do i look around at both the young baby trans and the older ones cracking around same age as me and im like damn i know waaaaay more than everyone else does when they figure this out, and i *really* probably shouldnt lol
I was always way more into learning about female anatomy and "girl" things as a kid (I'm AMAB) and I always chalked it up to "wanting to understand the female experience so I could be a better partner." But once my egg cracked I realized it was probably just the transness all along :)
lol, yep! and its funny too, how like you always hear of cis men like so confused about female anatomy and horrifiyingly grossed out by periods and stuff, and i was just like oh my god guys whats the big deal y'all are being babies
I remember having gal pals in high school trying to gross me out of a conversation by talking about their periods. I learned a lot; for example, some women gag if they talk about their periods for too long.
Lol that's funny. I'm a trans dude and a good friend of mine is a cis guy but I tell him about my period all the time and he doesn't mind at all. It's actually hilarious because he successfully predicted my period today when I had brushed it off thinking the pain was something else akgkkgkgh
Same! Though I was also on the verge of becoming a Nice Guyâą when I was ~15 and then 180'd into being a feminist lmao
Bonus silliness: Meeting trans guys at that age I thought I could relate to them because we're "both guys"
Ha, haha, hahahahha
I don't think I know more than others about clothing and such (other than from researching a few clothes for TTRPGs).
But ... but then I learned that a lot of cis men don't know the difference between a skirt and a dress and I was just flabbergasted.
I'm a bit older and cracked later than most of the people on these subs, but I had a similar experience. When my egg finally shattered, I realized that I knew *a lot* more about women's fashion, anatomy, and reproductive health than I did about men's.
I've got a friend who's partner came out early this year. just a few years younger than me, but is like the other ones I'm talking about knows like nothing about fashion or makeup (while I know some of that one i admittedly dont know anything about technique because I'd not ever tried it myself) or anything else. not even sure how handle long hair in any of the stages of hair growth
either before I cracked myself (since I cracked 4 months after she did), or like immediately after I did, I was taking with my friend at one point, just not sure where to begin explaining any of this to her now-girl partner. she's not into anything girly herself and said in frustration "i don't know any of this shit YOU teach her how to be a girl!" lol
I focused on the kitchen and homemaking skills. The definition of âwomanâ in my childhood is a lot smaller than who I ~~want to be~~ am, but it was what I had to feel better about myself without getting reprimanded. Definitely turned some heads in the conservative social circles I was trapped in. But once they tasted my cooking/baking theyâd forget any judgments they had of me.
If I could airdrop all this shit I absorbed from girl's magazines to all my trans girls out there boyyeeeeeeHOWDY it would be done.
T4T love: teaching my girlfriend about layering hair products after she helps me practice blowing my nose via snot rocket.
My trans masc ex taught me that womens belts go in on the left side belt loops first, not the right side.
He also noted the left handedness for other things in womens clothing. And educated me on why a womanâs tshirt better fit my form than a mens tshirt.
But you learned, no? Perceived failure is ultimately a learning experience. Once I mistakenly called a bobby pin a safety pin. It was funny trying to tell them I didn't have a safety pin in my scalp. Practice makes perfect hon, you got this!
oh honey this isn't a girl code thing, this us just something everyone is supposed to know - don't feel dysphoric, feel dumb! (/lh)
genuinely though, plenty if women i've met didn't know this and plenty of guys did, if you can divorce this from gender it'll help
"putting/wearing your hair up" is a common term for tying *up* your hair, while "putting/wearing your hair down" is a common term for the opposite: not having your hair tied
Uh is this supposed to be gendered information? Isn't this a super common phrase/expression?
Putting your hair down also has the "chilling/relaxing/enjoying themselves" meaning
Oh! They call it âhair upâ because tied that usually causes it to stand up a bit. When your hair is untied, it flows down with gravity! Hope this helps!
See, any code requires being in a specific community to know said code. To them, in their school or locality or whatever hair tied and down might mean that, but is sure as hell doesn't anywhere else no more so that a piercing in one ear or a handkerchief in your back pocket means anything.
I suppose you're right, English isn't my first language after all...but I still feel a little shit for not getting it as someone who always hangs out with English people.
I don't want that comment to lead you astray, so I want to let you know that hair up/hair down *is* common across american/british/australian/etc english, not limited to a "school or locality". There are [multiple](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/let_one%27s_hair_down) [common](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/updo) [phrases](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/half-up_half-down) that use it, and if you talk about hair styles it's going to be used.
You don't gotta feel too bad. There'll be all sorts of codes and social norms, but they'll vary so much in time or place. Just going across town or the next town over might change the meaning.
The important thing is to build confidence in your Self. Codes will come and go and you'll pick up on plenty, but when you're finally able to be most comfortable in your own self then you'll the confidence that exceeds strength of code use.
The more experience you have around women, the more you learn and the easier it gets. We are all products of our environment so pick which one is best for you to grow in.
It's basically how I felt all the time at school. As if the others (girls school) were always having subtitles on that werent available to me so I only got the surface meaning of "X did this and that" but not the deeper meaning they wanted to convey by telling this seemingly mundane stuff
Iâve always just not really cared about shit like this enough to be bothered but not understanding it, always got the meaning after a while (you know how the internet is) guess I shouldnât be so surprised that I found out Iâm asexual
I grew up without internet and a lot of that wasnt necessarily sexual. It was also about friendship, betrayal of trust, alliances, shifting friend groups, etc
Ahh, I see. I also went to a small Christian private school with ca 100 students. So we were always pretty good friends. I kind of just assumes everyone has it like that ig. Iâm really glad I didnât have to decipher the stuff you had to, cause I would have been pretty lost
Catholic private school with 900 and I was bullied hardcore. Adhd, being weird because of not even knowing trans guys existed, and other factors might have played a role. For example not understanding a lot of this stuff and therefore being unable to abide the "rules"
Ahh, damn sucks. Really glad my school was more on the Pentecostal side of Christianity, so they werenât really strict as long as you didnât swear. I also think like half my class had ADHD and/or was atheist, but it really sucks that people in your school werenât open minded even when it came to disorders.
We could swear as long as it wasnt too bad or at teachers. We even played a cars game literally called "arsehole". I was brought up Protestant and the school allowed a percentage. Unfortunately, 2 years in the management changed because rhe nuns, who were quite relaxed, were all retiring because of age and the local archishopric was and is very very very conservative. I'd likely have had to leave the school if I hadnt done the confirmation (a religious thing when you get to age of religious maturity and you basically declare you want to be a full member of the church), which I only did because you get shitloads of presents and money from your family đ I'm atheist but opportunistic
In norway(which is where i live) basically everyone has a confirmation, no matter if your atheist or not. You have the choice of either doing it in the church(which is most common since you get the most money from that) or doing it civilly. I got like 25 000 Norwegian kroners (about 2 500 dollars), but even thatâs a small amount based on what other people usually get(could be up to 50 000kr($5 000) or more(istg people have rich parents and relatives)).
My mom promised new furniture for my room and didnt say there was a cap on how much it could cost. I hit her with the Ikea catalogue đ And I got enough money to buy a lot of nice stuff. Here it's not so normal anymore as in everyone does it. But the school after the change demanded religious commitment. We also dont have a civil option. That's what they basically did in Eastern Germany with the Jugendweihe
I get happy, but overwhelmed when ppl use casual gendered terms of me like "hey girl" then i feel dysphoria for not going along casually w it x.x
Ive been socially out for 3 years now too... But most of my socializing has been w queer folks who are v safe with gendering ppl. Ie. They/them and not infantalizing things and just i dunno... Sorta being too formal. I get it... I live in a conservative hell hole for marginalized ppl, so theyre scared.
Iâm AFAB and never learned how to do my hair or many of the names for things involving doing hair, and I got by until I realized I was trans and cut it all off at 26. Youâve got this, itâs not essential knowledge!
I guess you can derive down hair from terms like âlet your hair hang downâ but yeah, âup hairâ how are you supposed to parse that in a vacuum the first time.
We'll get there! We missed the class where we would have been taught that stuff (childhood,) but it's not too late!
Same with knowing the names for a lot of stuff in female fashion
Yeah, I have a friend who's into fashion (like, went to school for it) and my girlfriend likes to talk about historical sewing, and between the two of them... I'm just over here like "bleep bloop I'll be here next time either of you have a question about Mega Man I guess"
I know this might mean less from a trans guy than a cis girl but not all AFAB kids get taught this stuff! Even up until I questioned my gender I couldnât tell you the difference between a skater skirt and an A-line skirt, hell I canât even picture either of them. Theyâre both just a skirt in my head. I was a bridesmaid in my early teens (still in the closet, no one knowingly misgendered me) and the bride described the dresses she wanted us to wear, I understood absolutely nothing except âred,â âsleeveless,â and âfloor-length.â Youâll get it eventually, if I can figure out sportsâŠ
Same. I'd love to learn more girl stuff, and reclaim my childhood however possible.
I know the feeling, I didn't get taught neither of the "classes". Was just left out in the dirt to learn everything on my own and even till this day I'm not sure how to do a lot of human things. Being an autistic Trans person who's parents aren't supportive in any way, makes life pretty difficult.
OP, youâre 15. Youâre WAY ahead of the curve compared to most of us. Donât waste time beating yourself up for not knowing things, because I promise youâre gonna spend the next 15 years not knowing a lot more things. And the next 15, and the next. Itâs all opportunities to learn and grow, nothing to be ashamed of.
Now that I think of it...it's probably because my parents never taught me that for obvious reasons...SOMEONE PLEASE EDUCATE ME!! đđđ
Hair down means let gravity do itâs thing. Hair up generally means some kind of controlled styling above the shoulder.
as a transmasc who's watched my parents style my older sisters, hair up can also mean the hair is being styled into something like, mohawk (hair is up), french updo (hair is kept up by pins and other accesories), the Y/N hair bun thingy. hair down is anything that's like, let the hair do it's own, braids(hair is not up), slickback(hair is down), anything that's not fighting gravity is basically hair down
I agree. Hence the generally. Thereâs way too many styles to list each one.
Giiiiiirl, youâre a kid! Other girls your age donât know these things either. I was raised a woman for 20 years and I was still learning new things about âwomanhoodâ every day, I had no idea what was going on. Maybe thatâs because I wasnât a woman, but whatever. Just give it time, pay attention, watch YouTube videos lol youâll be fiiine
wait, uhhh, was I *not* supposed to know all this stuff about hair and clothing and measurements and stuff long, long before I cracked? because i know im older but *damn* do i look around at both the young baby trans and the older ones cracking around same age as me and im like damn i know waaaaay more than everyone else does when they figure this out, and i *really* probably shouldnt lol
I was always way more into learning about female anatomy and "girl" things as a kid (I'm AMAB) and I always chalked it up to "wanting to understand the female experience so I could be a better partner." But once my egg cracked I realized it was probably just the transness all along :)
lol, yep! and its funny too, how like you always hear of cis men like so confused about female anatomy and horrifiyingly grossed out by periods and stuff, and i was just like oh my god guys whats the big deal y'all are being babies
I remember having gal pals in high school trying to gross me out of a conversation by talking about their periods. I learned a lot; for example, some women gag if they talk about their periods for too long.
Lol that's funny. I'm a trans dude and a good friend of mine is a cis guy but I tell him about my period all the time and he doesn't mind at all. It's actually hilarious because he successfully predicted my period today when I had brushed it off thinking the pain was something else akgkkgkgh
Same but in reverse with guy stuff! Turns out I was just a guy all along.
Same! Though I was also on the verge of becoming a Nice Guyâą when I was ~15 and then 180'd into being a feminist lmao Bonus silliness: Meeting trans guys at that age I thought I could relate to them because we're "both guys" Ha, haha, hahahahha
I don't think I know more than others about clothing and such (other than from researching a few clothes for TTRPGs). But ... but then I learned that a lot of cis men don't know the difference between a skirt and a dress and I was just flabbergasted.
ask them to explain what a slip is and watch them squirm! đ€Ł
I'm flabbergasted just hearing about it.
I'm a bit older and cracked later than most of the people on these subs, but I had a similar experience. When my egg finally shattered, I realized that I knew *a lot* more about women's fashion, anatomy, and reproductive health than I did about men's.
I've got a friend who's partner came out early this year. just a few years younger than me, but is like the other ones I'm talking about knows like nothing about fashion or makeup (while I know some of that one i admittedly dont know anything about technique because I'd not ever tried it myself) or anything else. not even sure how handle long hair in any of the stages of hair growth either before I cracked myself (since I cracked 4 months after she did), or like immediately after I did, I was taking with my friend at one point, just not sure where to begin explaining any of this to her now-girl partner. she's not into anything girly herself and said in frustration "i don't know any of this shit YOU teach her how to be a girl!" lol
I focused on the kitchen and homemaking skills. The definition of âwomanâ in my childhood is a lot smaller than who I ~~want to be~~ am, but it was what I had to feel better about myself without getting reprimanded. Definitely turned some heads in the conservative social circles I was trapped in. But once they tasted my cooking/baking theyâd forget any judgments they had of me.
No count yourself lucky. PLEASE TEACH US đ©đ©đ©đ€Łđ€Ł
If I could airdrop all this shit I absorbed from girl's magazines to all my trans girls out there boyyeeeeeeHOWDY it would be done. T4T love: teaching my girlfriend about layering hair products after she helps me practice blowing my nose via snot rocket.
My trans masc ex taught me that womens belts go in on the left side belt loops first, not the right side. He also noted the left handedness for other things in womens clothing. And educated me on why a womanâs tshirt better fit my form than a mens tshirt.
I donât think blowing nose via snot rocket is gender exclusive tho, just be hygienic and use a tissue then wash your hands.
Thieves cant is only available if you multiclass
Girl that's not even girl code. Just for people with longer hair wihch are mostly girls
But you learned, no? Perceived failure is ultimately a learning experience. Once I mistakenly called a bobby pin a safety pin. It was funny trying to tell them I didn't have a safety pin in my scalp. Practice makes perfect hon, you got this!
oh honey this isn't a girl code thing, this us just something everyone is supposed to know - don't feel dysphoric, feel dumb! (/lh) genuinely though, plenty if women i've met didn't know this and plenty of guys did, if you can divorce this from gender it'll help
I have no idea what going on. Someone please teach me
"putting/wearing your hair up" is a common term for tying *up* your hair, while "putting/wearing your hair down" is a common term for the opposite: not having your hair tied
Democratizing information. Love to see it đ
We've seen democratizing information Now we need to see authoritarianizing information đ
I'll share it when I decide you're ready, which will be never.
But we already have American News Networks,
Uh is this supposed to be gendered information? Isn't this a super common phrase/expression? Putting your hair down also has the "chilling/relaxing/enjoying themselves" meaning
girls tend to care more about their hair than guys, so they tend to use the phrase more a lot more often. It's not itself gendered, though
Smells like updog
*what's updog?*
Not much, how about you?
The name of the game is snaps
Snaps is the name of the game
Oh! They call it âhair upâ because tied that usually causes it to stand up a bit. When your hair is untied, it flows down with gravity! Hope this helps!
âDelta omega zeta fortnite imposter ballsâ âThanks Ava I will keep that in mindâ ââŠWhat?â
Trans dude here. If yâall need some help translating feel free to DM me. :)
Iâve never heard that -am afab
OP if it's any consolation, not knowing this doesn't mean you're a boy, but it does mean you're dumb.
:(
I mean it's kinda obvious that up hair would be up, and down hair would be...let down?
See, any code requires being in a specific community to know said code. To them, in their school or locality or whatever hair tied and down might mean that, but is sure as hell doesn't anywhere else no more so that a piercing in one ear or a handkerchief in your back pocket means anything.
I suppose you're right, English isn't my first language after all...but I still feel a little shit for not getting it as someone who always hangs out with English people.
I don't want that comment to lead you astray, so I want to let you know that hair up/hair down *is* common across american/british/australian/etc english, not limited to a "school or locality". There are [multiple](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/let_one%27s_hair_down) [common](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/updo) [phrases](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/half-up_half-down) that use it, and if you talk about hair styles it's going to be used.
You don't gotta feel too bad. There'll be all sorts of codes and social norms, but they'll vary so much in time or place. Just going across town or the next town over might change the meaning. The important thing is to build confidence in your Self. Codes will come and go and you'll pick up on plenty, but when you're finally able to be most comfortable in your own self then you'll the confidence that exceeds strength of code use.
The more experience you have around women, the more you learn and the easier it gets. We are all products of our environment so pick which one is best for you to grow in.
I Wish someone would even tell me something in girl code :(
Iâm afab and Iâve never heard of this, so donât worry
It's basically how I felt all the time at school. As if the others (girls school) were always having subtitles on that werent available to me so I only got the surface meaning of "X did this and that" but not the deeper meaning they wanted to convey by telling this seemingly mundane stuff
Iâve always just not really cared about shit like this enough to be bothered but not understanding it, always got the meaning after a while (you know how the internet is) guess I shouldnât be so surprised that I found out Iâm asexual
I grew up without internet and a lot of that wasnt necessarily sexual. It was also about friendship, betrayal of trust, alliances, shifting friend groups, etc
Ahh, I see. I also went to a small Christian private school with ca 100 students. So we were always pretty good friends. I kind of just assumes everyone has it like that ig. Iâm really glad I didnât have to decipher the stuff you had to, cause I would have been pretty lost
Catholic private school with 900 and I was bullied hardcore. Adhd, being weird because of not even knowing trans guys existed, and other factors might have played a role. For example not understanding a lot of this stuff and therefore being unable to abide the "rules"
Ahh, damn sucks. Really glad my school was more on the Pentecostal side of Christianity, so they werenât really strict as long as you didnât swear. I also think like half my class had ADHD and/or was atheist, but it really sucks that people in your school werenât open minded even when it came to disorders.
We could swear as long as it wasnt too bad or at teachers. We even played a cars game literally called "arsehole". I was brought up Protestant and the school allowed a percentage. Unfortunately, 2 years in the management changed because rhe nuns, who were quite relaxed, were all retiring because of age and the local archishopric was and is very very very conservative. I'd likely have had to leave the school if I hadnt done the confirmation (a religious thing when you get to age of religious maturity and you basically declare you want to be a full member of the church), which I only did because you get shitloads of presents and money from your family đ I'm atheist but opportunistic
In norway(which is where i live) basically everyone has a confirmation, no matter if your atheist or not. You have the choice of either doing it in the church(which is most common since you get the most money from that) or doing it civilly. I got like 25 000 Norwegian kroners (about 2 500 dollars), but even thatâs a small amount based on what other people usually get(could be up to 50 000kr($5 000) or more(istg people have rich parents and relatives)).
My mom promised new furniture for my room and didnt say there was a cap on how much it could cost. I hit her with the Ikea catalogue đ And I got enough money to buy a lot of nice stuff. Here it's not so normal anymore as in everyone does it. But the school after the change demanded religious commitment. We also dont have a civil option. That's what they basically did in Eastern Germany with the Jugendweihe
Your basically the odd one out if you donât get a conformation
My transfem sisters and siblings, from a transmasc, please ask me any girl code question that you may think of
I get happy, but overwhelmed when ppl use casual gendered terms of me like "hey girl" then i feel dysphoria for not going along casually w it x.x Ive been socially out for 3 years now too... But most of my socializing has been w queer folks who are v safe with gendering ppl. Ie. They/them and not infantalizing things and just i dunno... Sorta being too formal. I get it... I live in a conservative hell hole for marginalized ppl, so theyre scared.
Im afab and have never heard those terms before
Iâm AFAB and never learned how to do my hair or many of the names for things involving doing hair, and I got by until I realized I was trans and cut it all off at 26. Youâve got this, itâs not essential knowledge!
Shit I'm ftm and I didn't know that lol
well now you know :>
Me who understands all codes (cries)
oh man the same thing happens to me but with bro culture
I guess you can derive down hair from terms like âlet your hair hang downâ but yeah, âup hairâ how are you supposed to parse that in a vacuum the first time.
I don't think any of the cis girls I've been around even know this
I was raised as a female (AFAB) and I didn't know that either, if it makes u feel better xD
đ€ł
Im afab and never knew thatâŠ.
How does the meme go? Weie that down. Write that down?